Love Ed 201
2.2) Relationship / Personal Questionaire
The whole point of completing this questionaire is to ensure that you understand who you are, your likes and dislikes, your positive attributes and posssibly some things you need to work on.
After your partner completes their questionaire (or you can take it together), you can compare the results and discuss areas for improvement and compromise so that both of you can get a better understanding of your values, strengths and weaknesses, and significant issues that you can work on together in order to improve your relationship and level of happiness.
Note: this is not a questionaire that you can add up your score and compare it to someone else's score. It is merely to be used as a guide to help both you and your partner understand where both of you are coming from, where you are at now, and where you want to go.
On a scale of 1 to 10, rate yourself as to which description most applies to you, the one on the left side or the one on the right side.
1) Thinking / Left Brain Dominant - Feeling / Right Brain Dominant _____ : _____
Mathematical - Verbal / Pictorial / Graphical / Auditory / Touch _____ : _____
Introvert - Extrovert _____ : _____
Artistic / Creative - Not very Artistic / Creative _____ : _____
5) Intuitive - Not Intuitive _____ : _____
Good at dealing with stress - Not so good at dealing with stress _____ : _____
Patient - Impatient _____ : _____
Prefer spontaneity - Prefer planning and organization _____ : _____
Strongly religious - Slightly religious _____ : _____
10) Prefer praying daily - Prefer to have less daily prayer _____ : _____
10A) Prefer to go to church every week - Prefer not to go to church _____ : _____
Strongly spiritual - Slightly spiritual _____ : _____
Are you emotional - Not very emotional _____ : _____
Do you deal well with your emotions? - Not well with your emotions _____ : _____
Do you feel confined? - Do you feel free _____ : _____
15) Prefer giving - Prefer receiving _____ : _____
Self-respect very important - Self-respect not that important _____ : _____
Do you have high self-esteem? - Low self-esteem _____ : _____
Respect for others very important - Respect for others not that important _____ : _____
Personal Boundaries very important - Boundaries not that important _____ : _____
20) Communication is very important - Communication is not that important _____ : _____
20-A) Do you communicate well - Do you need to work on your communication skills _____ : _____
Compromise very important - My way or the highway _____ : _____
Slow to anger - Quick to anger _____ : _____
Easily forgives - Hangs on to resentment _____ : _____
Quick to criticize - Prefer mindful discussion to solve problems _____ : _____
25) Humor not important - Humor very important _____ : _____
Seriousness not important - Seriousness very important _____ : _____
Thoughtfulness not important - Thoughtfulness very important _____ : _____
Have many regrets from the past - Have few regrets from the past _____ : _____
Athletic - Not very Athletic _____ : _____
30) Energetic / Hyper - Relaxed / Casual _____ : _____
Strong / Muscular - Delicate / Fragile _____ : _____
Tall - Short _____ : _____
Heavy (Endomorph) - Slender (Ectomorph) _____ : _____
Strongly motivated by money - Slightly motivated by money _____ : _____
35) Money very important to happiness / success - Money not that important _____ : _____
Prefer time together versus long work hours to make money - Money more important _____ : _____
Prefer to live in the city - Prefer to live in the suburbs / country _____ : _____
Enjoy watching sports - Enjoy watching movies / other, (Sitcoms/News) _____ : _____
Prefer being in nature / camping - Prefer being in a hotel _____ : _____
40) Prefer outdoor activities - Prefer indoor activities _____ : _____
Prefer home cooking - Prefer eating out _____ : _____
Prefer meat - Prefer fruit and vegetables _____ : _____
Like to stay up late - Prefer to go to bed early _____ : _____
Good relation with parents - Not so good relations with parents _____ : _____
45) Good relation with siblings - Not so good relations with siblings _____ : _____
Good at identifying friend vs foe - Not so good at identifying true friends _____ : _____
Friendships not that important - Friendships very important _____ : _____
Prefer many friends - Prefer fewer friends _____ : _____
Enjoyed school - Did not enjoy school _____ : _____
50) Had a happy childhood - Had an unhappy childhood _____ : _____
Happy with my appearance - Not happy with my appearance _____ : _____
Time alone/apart not very important - Time alone very important _____ : _____
Time together not that important - Time together very important _____ : _____
Does your partner spend too much time with friends? : I do not mind being alone / ignored _____ : _____
55) Intimacy / Hugs / Holding Hands not important - Intimacy very important _____ : _____
Sex not that important - Sex very important _____ : _____
Love not that important - Love very important _____ : _____
Fidelity not that important - Trust / Fidelity / Faithfulness very important _____ : _____
Marriage counseling may be helpful - Marriage counseling not useful _____ : _____
60) Prefer separation of chores for each partner - Prefer both partners share same chores equally _____ : _____
Desire many children - Desire only one or two children _____ : _____
Children desired soon - Children can wait for a while _____ : _____
Parenting classes may be important - Parenting classes not useful _____ : _____
Prefer strict discipline for children - Prefer less strict discipline _____ : _____
65) Prefer public schooling for children - Prefer private schooling / home schooling _____ : _____
Prefer lots of time with family / in-laws - Prefer less time with in-laws _____ : _____
Prefer to live near family / in-laws - Does not matter _____ : _____
Are you overly defensive? - Not easily offended _____ : _____
Are you sensitive / understanding? - Not very sensitive _____ : _____
70) Are you kind / compassionate? - Not very compassionate _____ : _____
I can easily entertain and enjoy myself - I need others to help me feel better, enjoy myself _____ : _____
We like to spend a lot of time just talking - we don't talk much _____ : _____
Do you make plans without asking your partner? - I always ask before making any plans _____ : _____
Do you turn into a mind reader when your partner is upset? - I do not assume what is bothering my partner, I ask instead _____ : _____
75) If your partner is upset, is it always about you? - I do not assume it is my fault, instead I ask kindly, "is there something wrong?" _____ : _____
When it is your fault, do you apologize? - I seldom apologize since I am seldom wrong _____ : _____
I often my raise voice / use a negative tone when having difficult discussions - I usually keep civil _____ : _____
Do you sometimes get into yelling matches, or worse? - Not very often _____ : _____
Do you prefer a clean house? - Clutter is OK _____ : _____
80) Prefer a 1/2 hour or more of totally "alone" time per day to grow my soul - Time alone not required _____ : _____
Prefer to be told "I Love You" every day - Prefer not to be told that I am loved _____ : _____
What are your hot buttons, things that set you off: __________________________________________________
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What are your cool buttons, things that please you:___________________________________________________
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What are your phobias, anxieties and fears:___________________________________________________________
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85) What are your favorite things in life / What do you love:_____________________________________________________
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What activities do you enjoy the most with your partner_______________________________________________________
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Which activities do you least enjoy with your partner ________________________________________
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What other activities do you hope you can enjoy with your partner soon ____________________
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What are your hopes and dreams as a couple____________________________________________________
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90) What are the key things you are looking for in a partner: ______________________________________________________
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What are the key things you don't want in a partner: ______________________________________________________________
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What are your best attributes / strong points: ________________________________________________________________
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What are your weak points you need to work on: _______________________________________________________
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If you have a partner, What are their best attributes / strong points:___________________________________
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95) What are their weak points they need to work on: _________________________________________________
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96) Do you share similar political / governmental views: ___________________________________________________
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97) Do you believe in similar humanitarian issues such as:
a) Respect for others regardless of race, gender, age, nationality, class, sexuality, appearance, political or religious belief, physical or mental ability. Yes / No
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Now that you have completed this questionaire, what stands out to you as your strengths, and which are your weakness that can be improved or addressed?
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You may also want to put a star next to the descriptions that you think are very important, significant, or might be a problem that needs addressing. Remember the whole goal of this exercise is to learn about yourself and your partner, and thus increase the love you have for both yourself and each other.
Also realize that at different stages of your relationship and at different times of your life, your answers to these questions will likely change.
(1)-Left-side <---------------------(5)-Both--------------------> (10)-Right-side
Example: On question #1) if you mainly use your logical/thinking brain, then you may be a 2 or a 3. If you use your gut feelings to make most decisions, you may be a 9 or 10. If you use both equally, you may be a 5, or somewhere in-between.
If you are in a relationship now, you can answer each question for yourself, and then write a number down for how you think your partner is best described. Maybe you are a 3 and they are an 8, thus __3__ : __8__
Another way to answer these questions is to merely circle or underline the left or right description that most applies to you. If you are in the middle, circle the dash between them. . . . . . Date:________________________
- PowToon
b) Empathy and willingness to understand the views of others from their standpoint. Yes / No
c) A belief that individuals and groups of people can make for positive change. Yes / No
d) Appreciation of and respect for diversity. Yes / No
e) Self-esteem and accepting the intrinsic value of oneself. Yes / No
f) Commitment to social justice, equity and nonviolence. Yes / No
g) Concern for the environment and understanding of our place in the ecosystem. Yes / No
h) Commitment to equality. Yes / No
Special thanks to the Peace Education Network of the British National Peace Council for these insights.
Are you OK with the mind, body, feelings and spirtual aspects of yourself?
If not, do you need to change your thoughts and feelings about your negative aspects, or can you actually create physical changes that will help yourself and others see you in a better light?
Part of this exercise is to understand that it is OK that you are not perfect (no one is).
Keep in mind the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
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