Relationship / Personal Questionaire Love Ed 201 2.2) Relationship / Personal Questionaire The whole point of completing this questionaire is to ensure that you understand who you are, your likes and dislikes, your positive attributes and posssibly some things you need to work on. You may also want to put a star next to the descriptions that you think are very important, significant, or might be a problem that needs addressing. Remember the whole goal of this exercise is to learn about yourself and your partner, and thus increase the love you have for both yourself and each other. After your partner completes their questionaire (or you can take it together), you can compare the results and discuss areas for improvement and compromise so that both of you can get a better understanding of your values, strengths and weaknesses, and significant issues that you can work on together in order to improve your relationship and level of happiness. Note: this is not a questionaire that you can add up your score and compare it to someone else's score. It is merely to be used as a guide to help both you and your partner understand where both of you are coming from, where you are at now, and where you want to go. Also realize that at different stages of your relationship and at different times of your life, your answers to these questions will likely change. On a scale of 1 to 10, rate yourself as to which description most applies to you, the one on the left side or the one on the right side. (1)-Left-side <---------------------(5)-Both--------------------> (10)-Right-side Example: On question #1) if you mainly use your logical/thinking brain, then you may be a 2 or a 3. If you use your gut feelings to make most decisions, you may be a 9 or 10. If you use both equally, you may be a 5, or somewhere in-between. If you are in a relationship now, you can answer each question for yourself, and then write a number down for how you think your partner is best described. Maybe you are a 3 and they are an 8, thus __3__ : __8__ Another way to answer these questions is to merely circle or underline the left or right description that most applies to you. If you are in the middle, circle the dash between them. . . . . . Date:________________________ Mind Questions: 1) Thinking / Left Brain Dominant - Feeling / Right Brain Dominant _____ : _____ Mathematical - Verbal / Pictorial / Graphical / Auditory / Touch _____ : _____ Introvert - Extrovert _____ : _____ Artistic / Creative - Not very Artistic / Creative _____ : _____ 5) Intuitive - Not Intuitive _____ : _____ Good at dealing with stress - Not so good at dealing with stress _____ : _____ Patient - Impatient _____ : _____ Prefer spontaneity - Prefer planning and organization _____ : _____ Spiritual Questions: Strongly religious - Slightly religious _____ : _____ 10) Prefer praying daily - Prefer to have less daily prayer _____ : _____ 10A) Prefer to go to church every week - Prefer not to go to church _____ : _____ Strongly spiritual - Slightly spiritual _____ : _____ Heart / Feeling Questions: Are you emotional - Not very emotional _____ : _____ Do you deal well with your emotions? - Not well with your emotions _____ : _____ Do you feel confined? - Do you feel free _____ : _____ 15) Prefer giving - Prefer receiving _____ : _____ Self-respect very important - Self-respect not that important _____ : _____ Do you have high self-esteem? - Low self-esteem _____ : _____ Respect for others very important - Respect for others not that important _____ : _____ Personal Boundaries very important - Boundaries not that important _____ : _____ 20) Communication is very important - Communication is not that important _____ : _____ 20-A) Do you communicate well - Do you need to work on your communication skills _____ : _____ Compromise very important - My way or the highway _____ : _____ Slow to anger - Quick to anger _____ : _____ Easily forgives - Hangs on to resentment _____ : _____ Quick to criticize - Prefer mindful discussion to solve problems _____ : _____ 25) Humor not important - Humor very important _____ : _____ Seriousness not important - Seriousness very important _____ : _____ Thoughtfulness not important - Thoughtfulness very important _____ : _____ Have many regrets from the past - Have few regrets from the past _____ : _____ Body Questions: Athletic - Not very Athletic _____ : _____ 30) Energetic / Hyper - Relaxed / Casual _____ : _____ Strong / Muscular - Delicate / Fragile _____ : _____ Tall - Short _____ : _____ Heavy (Endomorph) - Slender (Ectomorph) _____ : _____ Personal Preferences: Strongly motivated by money - Slightly motivated by money _____ : _____ 35) Money very important to happiness / success - Money not that important _____ : _____ Prefer time together versus long work hours to make money - Money more important _____ : _____ Prefer to live in the city - Prefer to live in the suburbs / country _____ : _____ Enjoy watching sports - Enjoy watching movies / other, (Sitcoms/News) _____ : _____ Prefer being in nature / camping - Prefer being in a hotel _____ : _____ 40) Prefer outdoor activities - Prefer indoor activities _____ : _____ Prefer home cooking - Prefer eating out _____ : _____ Prefer meat - Prefer fruit and vegetables _____ : _____ Like to stay up late - Prefer to go to bed early _____ : _____ Family / Friends Questions: Good relation with parents - Not so good relations with parents _____ : _____ 45) Good relation with siblings - Not so good relations with siblings _____ : _____ Good at identifying friend vs foe - Not so good at identifying true friends _____ : _____ Friendships not that important - Friendships very important _____ : _____ Prefer many friends - Prefer fewer friends _____ : _____ Enjoyed school - Did not enjoy school _____ : _____ 50) Had a happy childhood - Had an unhappy childhood _____ : _____ Happy with my appearance - Not happy with my appearance _____ : _____ Relationship / Love Questions: Time alone/apart not very important - Time alone very important _____ : _____ Time together not that important - Time together very important _____ : _____ Does your partner spend too much time with friends? : I do not mind being alone / ignored _____ : _____ 55) Intimacy / Hugs / Holding Hands not important - Intimacy very important _____ : _____ Sex not that important - Sex very important _____ : _____ Love not that important - Love very important _____ : _____ Fidelity not that important - Trust / Fidelity / Faithfulness very important _____ : _____ Marriage counseling may be helpful - Marriage counseling not useful _____ : _____ 60) Prefer separation of chores for each partner - Prefer both partners share same chores equally _____ : _____ Desire many children - Desire only one or two children _____ : _____ Children desired soon - Children can wait for a while _____ : _____ Parenting classes may be important - Parenting classes not useful _____ : _____ Prefer strict discipline for children - Prefer less strict discipline _____ : _____ 65) Prefer public schooling for children - Prefer private schooling / home schooling _____ : _____ Prefer lots of time with family / in-laws - Prefer less time with in-laws _____ : _____ Prefer to live near family / in-laws - Does not matter _____ : _____ Are you overly defensive? - Not easily offended _____ : _____ Are you sensitive / understanding? - Not very sensitive _____ : _____ 70) Are you kind / compassionate? - Not very compassionate _____ : _____ I can easily entertain and enjoy myself - I need others to help me feel better, enjoy myself _____ : _____ We like to spend a lot of time just talking - we don't talk much _____ : _____ Do you make plans without asking your partner? - I always ask before making any plans _____ : _____ Do you turn into a mind reader when your partner is upset? - I do not assume what is bothering my partner, I ask instead _____ : _____ 75) If your partner is upset, is it always about you? - I do not assume it is my fault, instead I ask kindly, "is there something wrong?" _____ : _____ When it is your fault, do you apologize? - I seldom apologize since I am seldom wrong _____ : _____ I often my raise voice / use a negative tone when having difficult discussions - I usually keep civil _____ : _____ Do you sometimes get into yelling matches, or worse? - Not very often _____ : _____ Do you prefer a clean house? - Clutter is OK _____ : _____ 80) Prefer a 1/2 hour or more of totally "alone" time per day to grow my soul - Time alone not required _____ : _____ Prefer to be told "I Love You" every day - Prefer not to be told that I am loved _____ : _____ What are your hot buttons, things that set you off: __________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ What are your cool buttons, things that please you:___________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ What are your phobias, anxieties and fears:___________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ 85) What are your favorite things in life / What do you love:_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ What activities do you enjoy the most with your partner_______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ Which activities do you least enjoy with your partner ________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ What other activities do you hope you can enjoy with your partner soon ____________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ What are your hopes and dreams as a couple____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ 90) What are the key things you are looking for in a partner: ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ What are the key things you don't want in a partner: ______________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ What are your best attributes / strong points: ________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ What are your weak points you need to work on: _______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ If you have a partner, What are their best attributes / strong points:___________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ 95) What are their weak points they need to work on: _________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ 96) Do you share similar political / governmental views: ___________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ 97) Do you believe in similar humanitarian issues such as: a) Respect for others regardless of race, gender, age, nationality, class, sexuality, appearance, political or religious belief, physical or mental ability. Yes / No b) Empathy and willingness to understand the views of others from their standpoint. Yes / No c) A belief that individuals and groups of people can make for positive change. Yes / No d) Appreciation of and respect for diversity. Yes / No e) Self-esteem and accepting the intrinsic value of oneself. Yes / No f) Commitment to social justice, equity and nonviolence. Yes / No g) Concern for the environment and understanding of our place in the ecosystem. Yes / No h) Commitment to equality. Yes / No Special thanks to the Peace Education Network of the British National Peace Council for these insights. _____________________________________________________________________________________________ Now that you have completed this questionaire, what stands out to you as your strengths, and which are your weakness that can be improved or addressed? Are you OK with the mind, body, feelings and spirtual aspects of yourself? If not, do you need to change your thoughts and feelings about your negative aspects, or can you actually create physical changes that will help yourself and others see you in a better light? Part of this exercise is to understand that it is OK that you are not perfect (no one is). Keep in mind the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.